White Rose

Quotes: I agree with // About love // About friendship // About sucky emotions // About unrequited love // That make me smile // About Religion // Sexual //

Quotes that made me smile and laugh
9:55 p.m. - 2004-07-23

"Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks."

”I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up . . . they have no holidays.”

"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."

“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? Death…what's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first; get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, drink alcohol, party, and get ready for high school. You go to grade school, become a kid, play, have no responsibilities, become a little baby, go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating ... finishing off as an orgasm.”

“I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.”

“You and I were meant to be, period. Cue happy ending music.”

When you see Belinda and her clique in the hallway, you're desperately wishing that you were walking with them, aren't you? You’re thinking that maybe, if you were wearing the right shoes, sporting the latest hairstyle, and using the hottest shade of lip gloss, then maybe they would toss a glance in your direction. Ever wonder why they force their narrow-minded opinions down our throats? Perhaps it's because they have an inkling of what the future has in store for them beyond graduation. Cut to 25 years from now, Belinda McGovern wakes up one morning feeling empty. Maybe it's because her Dartmouth-educated lawyer husband Tad has run off to Tijuana with her daughter's roommate from boarding school. Or maybe it's because the twins, Timmy and Tommy, call her by her first name and their live-in housekeeper "Mom." Or maybe it's Belinda's daily 2:00, 5:00, 7:00, and 9:15 showdown with her bottle of Prozac. Her life has become a domestic wasteland. Avoid this fate. Don't let yourself become another cookie-cutter blonde, size 4, rah-rah-sis-bam-boom, mindless, soulless, spineless wench. Screw these auditions, screw cheerleading, and screw Belinda McGovern”

“Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.”

“I prefer the word homemaker, because housewife always implies that there may be a wife someplace else.”

“Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.”

“I would like it if men had to partake in the same hormonal cycles to which we're subjected monthly. Maybe that's why men declare war - because they have a need to bleed on a regular basis.”

“Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum - "My God, the floor's immaculate. Lie down, you hot bitch."

“Jesus was a typical man - they always say they'll come back but you never see them again.”

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love. "

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